Duck Season
by eftee
Summary: Sasuke's jealous of a rubber ducky and Naruto's a potty mouth. SasuNaru, DuckyNaru. crack xD


**Duck Season**

Outside the wind was moaning and the rain was pounding on rooftops and windows. Trees creaked and groaned as they bowed with the winds. It was storming in Konoha and Naruto was glad, for once, not to be out on a mission, but inside in his small, cozy apartment, curled up in his bed, drifting off to sleep…

_KNOCK! KNOCK!_

…Curled up in his bed, drifting off to sleep…

_KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK!!_

…DRIFTING OFF TO SLEEP –

_KNOCKKNOCKNOCKNOCKNOCK!!_

"GOD (BEEP)IN' DAMN IT! (BEEPBEEPBEEP)!! THIS BETTER BE (BEEP) DAMN (BEEP) IMPOR-(BEEP)-TANT," the blond ninja all-but roared as he stormed out of his room and to the front door. He was practically frothing at the mouth when he ripped the door open to glare murderously at whoever dared to wake him up.

It was Uchiha Sasuke. And he looked like a rat caught in the rain.

His anger momentarily faltered, that is, until Sasuke grumbled a "Move" and forced himself into Naruto's apartment. His anger came back alive with vengeance.

"What the (BEEP)! What do you think you're doing, teme?!"

"I'm taking shelter from the rain. What does it look like, dumbass?' Sasuke retorted. He was already stripping and peeling off his wet clothes.

'It _looks _like you're _intruding _into _my _apartment, asshole!" Naruto snapped. "Now get out!"

"Are you really going to make me go back out into that weather?" Sasuke drawled out, giving Naruto a pointed look.

"Yes!"

Sasuke rolled his eyes and headed over to the pantry. He crashed at Naruto's place –and vice versa – more than enough times to know where Naruto kept the towels and such. Not to mention they've stripped in front of each other countless times that Sasuke didn't mind taking off his shirt, his pants, his boxers and socks right in front of his fellow ANBU.

"You don't just go barging into people's places like that! It's impolite! And it's even more impolite to strip while someone's yelling at you! Gah! PUT ON YOUR DAMN CLOTHES!" Naruto was practically as red as Gaara's hair.

"You act like you've never seen me naked," Sasuke said with a smirk.

Naruto's whole face lit up like red Christmas lights. "Sh-shut up! That's different! Gah! Just get in the damn bathroom and take a bath! You're probably all cold or whatever and I don't want to take care of you when you're sick," he grumbled, shoving the raven-haired man towards the bathroom.

"You're not going to take one with me?" Sasuke asked.

"No! I already took one! And I'm _going bed! _You know where your spare clothes are. Waking me up so late at night… Damn bastard… Ungrateful asshole… What the hell were you doin' anyway out so late?"

"Went out for a drink with Kakashi, and then got caught in the storm when I was headin' home," Sasuke said as he readied the bath. He figured he'd relax as chilled to the bone as he was.

"Che. And decided to burden me with yourself. So considerate," Naruto wrinkled his nose in distaste.

Sasuke snorted and would have commented had he not noted a rubber ducky sitting innocently at the corner of Naruto's bathtub. Smirking, he picked it up and waved it at the blond. "What's this, dobe?"

Naruto blushed and spluttered, "Iruka-sensei gave me that when I was younger!"

"And you still have it?"

"So what?!"

"It's almost as ridiculous as that cap you're wearing."

Naruto pouted and pulled his cap lower, holding it so the cap almost covered his eyes. He glared at Sasuke. "Leave my cap and ducky alone!"

"Did you name it too?" Sasuke taunted.

"No!"

"Did you name it after me?"

"No way! Don't be jealous just 'cause I take a bath with it all the time!"

"Tch. Why would I be jealous?"

"'Cause it gets to feast its eyes on my sexy, naked, wet self. All the time."

"Right."

"Whatever." Naruto sniffed indignantly. "This sexy man is taking his sexy body to bed. I need my beauty sleep to keep up with my sexiness, you know? I don't stay sexy on my own!"

"Idiot."

"Ass."

Naruto stuck his tongue out and left Sasuke alone in the bathroom, going into his room and crashing in his bed.

Sasuke, meanwhile, took off the towel around his waist and set it nearby before he climbed into the tub once it was full enough. He sighed contentedly and relaxed against the wall, his arms draped over the ledges. He realized the ducky was still in his hand and Sasuke peered at it blankly before silently snorting and tossing it at the water. It bobbed haphazardly but eventually settled to float silently on the top of the water's surface. Sasuke stared at it some moments before closing his eyes and muttering, "Jealous…che."

Some more moments of silence passed.

Sasuke twitched.

He felt like something was staring at him.

He cracked open an eye and glanced down at the rubber ducky. It was looking up at him innocently.

He closed his eye again.

A few, stray droplets of water dripped from the faucet.

_Drip… Drip._

Sasuke opened his eyes again and rested lazy, onyx orbs on the duck.

It was still staring at him.

Tch. Whatever. He didn't care. It was just some damn play-thing for little kids when taking a bath. A mental image of Naruto taking a bath while playing with the rubber ducky flashed in his mind. He smirked to himself and then frowned, thinking of what Naruto had said.

"_Don't be jealous just 'cause I take a bath with it all the time!"_

PISH POSH. Sasuke wasn't jealous. He was far from it. Like he said, it was just some damn play-thing for little kids. It was a stupid rubber ducky with a stupid smile on its face… A stupid rubber ducky that got to see Naruto naked all the time… _All the time._

Sasuke scowled at the ducky.

…But like he said, he wasn't jealous of some _inanimate object. _Of course not. The duck was _below him. _

You hear that you stupid duck? You're below Uchiha Sasuke!

BELOW!!

Sasuke 'hmphed.' He glared at the object bobbing innocently on the water.

It's not like it could sex up Naruto like he could, could it? No, of course not. No one sexed Naruto up like Sasuke did. Kukuku…

…But then, who knows what kind of activities Naruto indulged in while taking a shower? Activities that this damn duck may have witnessed…? All the time, no less.

While the blond was naked.

And wet.

And sexy.

And panting and…

Damn duck.

Who did it think it was staring at what was his? So what if it was around Naruto longer? So what if maybe, sometimes when Naruto took a bath, he heard the blond telling the duck about his day? SO WHAT? NARUTO WAS STILL UCHIHA PROPERTY KTHX.

Apparently the duck didn't think so because it didn't seem fazed by Sasuke's 'Naruto's-mine-you-got-that-you-stupid-duck' glare.

So, plotting the silly duck's demise, Sasuke grinned viciously. Wasn't it duck season? Maybe it was deer season. Same difference.

Sasuke Katon-ed the bastard.

The following morning found Sasuke sitting in Naruto's kitchen drinking a cup of coffee while browsing through the newspaper.

Naruto had just woken up and went into the bathroom to take a shower when the blond noticed some kind of blob. What the hell was that? It was yellow and –

Sasuke smirked when he heard Naruto crash and yell.

"WHAT THE HELL?! IS THIS MY DUCKY? TEME WHAT THE (BEEP)! DID YOU DO THIS?! OH MY GOD!!"

Sasuke brought his coffee to his lips to stop himself from chuckling.

"I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU DID THIS TO POOR BLINKIE!!"

Sasuke's smirk widened. He knew his Dobe named the stupid thing.

"I'M TELLING IRUKA-SENSEI!"

Oh well. It was a price to pay.

The Uchiha continued to scan the newspaper. He saw an advertisement for a restaurant. Apparently the Chef's special dish was roasted duck.

"Hey, Dobe, let's go out to eat later. I'm craving duck."

"FUCK YOU, TEME!"

Sasuke chuckled.

**OWARI.**

Um. Yeah. I don't know. I was bored. AND YES I'M STILL WORKING ON UPDATES. xD Just wanted to write this, TEEHEE. Poor Blinkie. And yeah. Naruto's bad mouth escaped the censorship at the end. Dunno how xD


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